The Search Institute in Minneapolis has identified 5 Essential Parenting Practices that include a total of 20 Action Steps that are proven to foster positive life outcomes and character growth in children as well as parents. The five practices are:
1. Express Care
2. Challenge Growth
3. Provide Support
4. Share Power
5. Expand Possibility

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Action Step # 12 |   Be warm and affectionate
      Honestly, I have been avoiding writing about this one. It seems so obvious that we should be warm and affectionate to our children. So I am taking this in the opposite direction- how to not reinforce bad behaviour during misbehavior. 

      Expressing warmth and affection to children requires sensitivity and thoughtfulness. Some children may prefer brief rather than lengthy physical contact; some may appreciate verbal affection more than physical; some children observe voice tone or facial expressions deeply. There is no easy one-size-fits-all formula.
      One Columbus mom suggests instead of yelling when her children are acting out, to whisper. She started this a few years ago when she just couldn’t take the yelling any more. She says it has forced her children to calm down and lean in to listen to her during arguments rather than yelling to be heard. It took a lot of practice but it helped her keep her anger from showing.
      Some children like attention so much they act out to get negative attention. Avoid being overly warm and affectionate while providing guidance and discipline after a child has been disruptive or aggressive. You do not want to encourage children to misbehave in order to experience individualized, warm attention. Recognize that frequent expressions of negative emotion toward children make it more difficult to feel and express warmth and affection. Avoid criticism, nagging, yelling, and reprimands as much as possible, and try to be tolerant of children’s spontaneity. If the overwhelming majority of the comments you make to children are positive, you will be contributing to the emotional warmth and growth of your children.
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Action Step # 11 – Respect
We all want our children to be respectful, but a child can not become what a child does not experience. Here is a suggestion from leadership consultant Jim Merhaut on how to let your child experience respect.

“The next time your child is upset about something, resist the temptation to offer a solution. Let your child explain what is going on before saying anything. Then do your best to put yourself in your child’s shoes and make an observation about what you think your child is experiencing. Say something like, “Let me see I have this right. You’re upset because you feel like _________.” Filling the blank with your best effort to describe your child’s feelings. Then let your child express agreement, disagreement, or agreement with modifications.
Your understanding may be all your child needs to resolve the issue themselves. If your child needs a suggestion, your attempt to understand will create the right tone for discussing possible solutions. Showing your child how to be respectful in this way is far more powerful than just telling your child to be respectful.”

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